“We do not remember days, we remember moments.” –Cesare Pavese
This week has been a blur.
In multiple ways: it went by quickly, there was lots to do, and many places to be, but I was also in a sleep deprived, zombie-esque state for most of the week due to Little One deciding to wake up multiple times at night. When Big Brother turned 2, he magically started sleeping through the night. Little One is a month away from his 2nd birthday and I’m crossing my fingers the same magic works for him. Most nights, his sleep is acceptable, but waking up 3 and 4 times a night, as he’s done this week, is not okay. I need sleep to feel human and be able to handle the day with any sense of control. So I say this week is a blur because I can’t really remember what we’ve done from day-to-day, but thankfully, I take pictures nearly every day and it helps me to keep everything in check; especially during these blurry weeks. Another reason this week feels so out of sync is that my babysitter left us for a 9-5 job a few weeks ago and I’m still adjusting. We have no family help near by and after years of having zero help, I finally decided to cut myself a break and to have someone come in a few hours a day, a few days a week so that I could catch my breath, go to yoga, clean the house, hit the grocery store and take a minute to hear myself think. So for 6 glorious months I had the ability and time to take care of myself so that I could be a better parent. When she quit, I decided to live life sans help for a bit to see what it felt like without her. I have mixed feelings. I have loved having the time back with the kids and have found that we’re able to enjoy more activities and adventures together, but I am worn out. Being on from the moment I open my eyes until they close theirs at bedtime is a lot. I am not finding any spare moments to take care of myself. It’s just a short matter of time before that’s going to wreak havoc on me and the family. As the ol’ southern saying goes, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” Long story short, I’m interviewing a new babysitter on Monday. Fingers crossed.
Big Brother goes to a drop off Waldorf-inspired playgroup a few times a week. I love this environment for him because they spend the vast majority of their time engrossed in pure, imaginative play or community building. They are either out on hikes climbing the rocks and stomping in the pond or they are serving each other snack at the table and sharing stories from home. It’s a mixed aged group, ranging from 3-7 year olds with a combination of fellow homeschoolers and kids on an out-of-home school path. The woman who runs this group has a natural and incredible gift for gently supporting a child’s emotional and physical growth as well as fostering a child’s sense of wonder and imagination. It use to be that during the time Big Brother was with this group, I would have my babysitter spend time with Little One. Now that the babysitter is gone, despite feeling a little worn out, I have cherished this rare one on one time with Little One.
We have had some wonderful moments and I am thankful to have this time back with him (even though I will need to give a little of it up for self-care). Little One and I had a lot of adventures together this week. We went on coffee dates, we made art at the charming kid’s art studio in our neighborhood, we went to a music class and I discovered that he has a passion for helping me clean/vacuum. Since his interest is strong, I’m hoping to teach Little One how to help me keep the house in order. Natural learning in house chores!
Spring is so close, I can *almost* see it. We had a few frustrating, classic cold New England “spring” days this week but I have faith that this was the last week with winter coats & hats. (Please, oh please!) My uber wise yoga teacher who is always full of inspiration shared this quote last week that epitomizes our spring.
“It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade.”– Charles Dickens, Great Expectations
This year, we have to replace March with April in this quote. This winter has been persistent and does not want to let go! But looking at the forecast for the week to come looks very promising. Spring is one of my favorite seasons because you earn it! Spending months and months working so hard to hold onto your strength to get through the cold, snowy winter days to be rewarded with the sunshine and new life that spring brings is exhilarating. Big Brother and I are extremely excited to start digging in the dirt. Even though we are likely a week (maybe two) away before we can actually break ground and start planting, we have spent our free time strolling through and drooling over the possibilities at the garden shop. We look forward to building our flower garden this year and we are going to give a few vegetables a try, as well. We are novices when it comes to gardening and we are learning the ins and outs together, but the motivation is strong!
Happy Spring! What are you doing to welcome the change of the seasons?